FRUSTRATION!

I have been trying to keep it together as far as this stupid disease goes, but I am so frustrated.  On the outside, everything appears to be the same.  I don't look any different than I did 6 months ago before I was diagnosed, but on the inside I am a total different person.  Here is a list of the changes -

1. I have constant ringing in my ears.  It drives me crazy!
2. Most nights I go to bed with some sort of headache.  Luckily they are typically mild, but I would love to go to be pain free once in a while.
3. It's not just my head that hurts anymore, but my neck and shoulders constantly feel tight all the time too.
4. I can't remember anything.  This morning I couldn't remember if I had taken my morning medication.  How awful is that?  Even Tessa is picking up on how bad my memory is becoming.  I was NEVER like that before...that I can remember.
5. I have always been a smart ass, but this PTC makes me feel like a dumb ass at least 5 times a day.  I forget words mid-sentence.  I lose my train of thought.  It is embarrassing to be in a professional meeting and have to "wing it" because my brain isn't working.  The other day, I went to take the recycle out.  Instead, I emptied the bathroom garbage can into the recycle bin.  Talk about a brain fart!
6. I have always had self-esteem issues, but this disease makes them 10x worse because I can't trust myself to not make a cognitive mistake and embarrass myself.
7. When I have bad headaches, I am way more short and moody than I ever was or intended to be.
8. I become frustrated at smaller things faster.
9. I become nauseous for no reason.
10. I find myself having a hard time regulating my body temperature.

I want to be healthy and be a fun mom and wife for Tessa and Broch.  I want to be able to make lifelong memories with them.  Tonight I learned that this disease has effected some to the point where they can't even ride the tea cups or merry-go-round without repercussions.  Talk about being bummed.  I LOVE riding rides, and I don't want to be the mom that is always sitting on the sidelines because of PTC.  I realize that everyone reacts differently.  This is just more motivation for me to get my butt out of bed earlier in the morning and get walking.  I am also going to start a new DDP Yoga class tomorrow night.  I am pretty excited about that as well.  I know that when it comes to motivation, I am my own worst enemy.  I need to get out of my own way and see what I can do if I set my mind to something.  I want to live life, not watch it pass me by.